Bargain Basement Blues

February 2, 2005

Don’t you just hate clearance sales?

Swimming through the mass of humanity to fight for trinkets that may or may not work when you plug them in.

Hail the Great God Discount, Lord of the Bargain Bin.

I, on the other hand, prefer to do my shopping in a more spontaneous manner.

I just walk into a fancy store and say “Ooh, that’s nice I’ll, take two of those. One of them. Hell, make that two. What’s that? Eh? Okay, only one of them.You writing this down? Keep up. Hey, would you look at that! Gimme a dozen, make that two. And five of that pink thing, whatever it is. What’s that green thing? Can I eat it? Hey, you’re kinda cute… no don’t write that down. You work here long? Doing anything after work? Oh, and twenty of those with the lace frills. You’re falling behind. Bet you wish you didn’t wear those heels. Nice legs though. And extra polka-dots. So, what’s your name? What’s that for? Looks painful. Forty of those. Do you deliver? Then make that eighty. Oh, that’s hideous. I’ll take one for my neighbor. Make that five. And do you have those curly things for the spiky thing? No? But you can order them in? I’ll take a bushel. So, what do you do for fun? Nine of those. Hey me too. Friday at eight. I’ll pick you up. Do you take cash? How much is the total so far? That all? Oh, then just double everything I ordered and throw in a few things at random. What? I don’t know… Random. Surprise me.”

As far as I’m concerned, that’s really the only way to shop.



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