Sumo Conga

April 14, 2004

Ever wondered how bad 640×480 looks like on a 19″ monitor?

It’s bad. Very bad.

I walk into the room see the monitor and go “Sweet! Kickass monitor!”, sit down in front of it and immediately keel over in pain.

I saw my blog on this monitor and almost threw up while barely saving myself crapping me pants at the same time. Them’s are big bunnies on a 19″ moniter set to 640×480. And they look mean. Did I mention that the fonts were set to extra large and the refresh rate was set to 50Hz. On a Sony Flatscreen. The god of CRTs has been desecrated.

About time I found me a new minion. Any suggestions? Something with fangs this time, and no Frenchie, not Barbera Streisand.

So, what is it that drives people spend tons of cash on expensive hardware and then do there darnedest to blow any possible gain in productiveness right out of the water. I practically had eyestrain just from walking into the room. Five minutes in front of it and it felt like I had a conga-line of insane sumo wrestlers prancing around my cerebral cortex. 500mg of painkillers later I’m blissfully numb and prone to giggle for no reason.

Speaking of conga-lines, remember the Fighting Hellfish? Or did we ever decide on a name. I vaguely recall us going through quite a few along the way before either settling on one, or just plain giving up in exasperation whilst insulting each others mothers and trying to figure out why we needed a name in the first place. Baldy and Friends, The Legion Noire, Monkey Boys, Cows With Guns, and The Kuddly Koala Klan were some of the names we tossed around(doing great injury in the process). I believe all this fuss over a name for our little group (or ‘posse’ according to TAFKAZ (The Artist Formerly Known As Zerokill (now known as the Mauritian with the Wombat Fetish (don’t ask)))) had to do with the Tesla Mechwarrior pods. I still dream of those days. I still remember tearing around the battlefield in my blessed Avatar while the rest of you Foos (ahem: Sitting Ducks), vehemently opposed to the tactical advantages gained by learning to torso twist (and aim for that matter), ran around in your little Conga-Lines of Doom.

We’d watch the replays afterwards showing fifteen minutes of IceBerg in Thor, followed by ESWAT in Mad Cat, followed by Elton in Loki, followed by Paul in Thor, followed by Zerokill in Owens, all shooting each other in the back while dancing across the map (except for Zerokill who usually lost his weapon pods within the first few seconds and had to resort to headbutting until someone put him out of his misery). And then Jolly Lucifer in his Black Avatar of Righteous Justice runs through the melee, mechs explode left and right, followed by Jolly Lucifer swearing profusely ‘cos his playing on Expert mode and his cockpit’s lit up like a Dr. Seuss Christmas display viewed during a bad acid trip due to severe heat overload from setting all his lasers to seek level 4, and has to run away dumping coolant and praying that his ammo doesn’t start cooking before his mech cools down. ‘Accuracy and Mobility’ is my motto, and so is ‘Has a BIG GUN’, but that’s another story. The fact that I was able to outmaneuver them with ease often had them ganging up on me. Usually Zerokill would try to narf me and try and pin me against a wall while ESWAT tried to gimp me.

Anyway, just in case anyone actually noticed, I haven’t been updating at all lately. And it’s going to be that way until I get my internet connection sorted out, which hopefully should be in a couple of weeks. ADSL *drool*. Also will not be moving, at least until the end of May as there is a problem with my new abode. Works going fine. Once I get registered as a personal business I’ll be able to get some business cards printed out and a website up and then at least appear legit and hopefully get more clients, ‘cos quite frankly I’m making just enough to survive on. Fun happens after at least two more regular clients. And a car after 4, hehe.

Also been up to lots of other stuff lately. Had to re-evaluate a few friendships after it became obvious that there’s just so much effort one can put into a relationship without any kind of reciprocation. So, I’m just going to stick to the few people who genuinely seem to care about my company and, well, it’s their loss anyway. Which brings me to this Numerology/Astrology book I glanced at the other day (Cheiro’s something-or-the-other) and found that his description of me was bloody spot on. Frighteningly so. All the usual stuff I take for granted: godlike intelligence, individualistic, stong willed (i.e. stubborn), oft misunderstood and prone to the most unpredictable twists and turns of fate. It says, and I quote ‘…endowed with wonderful imagination and often great inventiveness. They seem to live a life apart from others and are greatly misunderstood by the more “common herd of humanity.”‘. Well, that’s entirely correct. I ain’t in no fucking popularity contest, if you don’t like me it’s your bloody problem. It also says, ‘They are seldom free from risks and dangers and have many accidents from fires, motor cars, run away horses, etc.’. And with regard to finances, ‘From a material standpoint they often make money by their brains or in literary work of some unusual kind, also in music and painting.’. Hm… validation from the stars, kinda makes me feel good that all the above options are open to me, just need to make a mental note to stay away from horses. It also has this little gem about Health: ‘…is subject to all kinds of peculiar or mysterious illnesses that come on without the least warning. I suppose you could term what I have to be ‘peculiar and mysterious’ of the most obscure kind. Frighteningly accurate, even if I am still a sceptic and believe that one makes one’s own fate, but fascinating stuff all the same.

Am still single and quite happy about it. I can safely say that I have not been really attracted to a female since arriving in this country last July. Oh, there have been the occasional physical attractions, which I seldom act on, but I just can’t seem to find any members of the fairer sex (haha) that aren’t blatently and quite disgustingly superficial. Oh, there are exceptions, I’m sure, and I apologize for the blanket judgement, but there simply isn’t anyone I know of who could possibly, a) understand me, b) intellectually stimulate me or c) give me a second look once they discover I don’t earn much and don’t have a cool car and can’t take them shopping and, no wait, I already said that, didn’t I, and now I sound bitter, which I’m not and you can tell ‘cos this sentence hasn’t finished for a long time and just keeps going on and on using transient punctuation (i.e. commas) to create the illusion of finality, like so, but never actually ends. Oh, it ended. So, in conclusion…. single and loving it. No interesting women, or even if they were they wouldn’t be interested in me ‘cos I don’t have any money and I ain’t interested in playing those superficial games anyway and I’m quite happy to go on as I am and if there ever was a woman for me she probably died centuries ago, probably in the French Reneissance, and fullstop.

Libere mei ex inferis.

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