Shooting Pains

February 13, 2004

Well, I’m laid up for a few days with a bad back ‘cos I pushed myself too far and I have no regrets.

What happened, you ask?

Well, it was Bryan Adams. More specifically it happened at a Bryan Adams concert. Those of you who know me know that I wouldn’t be seen dead at a Bryan Adams concert but my friends tricked me into thinking it was Elton John and it doesn’t matter just how hardcore-hardrock-chilli-pepper-loving-boy-band-hating I can be, you just don’t pass on the Rocket Man. Still it was a good show. He sang a lot and sounded good and looked like an insect prancing around on stage but that’s what you get for buying the cheapest tickets. He didn’t go crowd surfing ‘cos I’m guessing it isn’t his style and anyway the idiots in front would have probably dropped him and he’d have ended up with brain damage and drooled the rest of his life away.


I was there with a couple of friends and we bumped into more friends when we got there. I was pretty mellow through the entire concert, just chilling with a beer and enjoying the music (yeah, it wasn’t that bad, so shoot me) while everyone seemed to be in an ecstatic frenzy. Who would have thought people could go that nuts over a Canadian. Anyway, there was this girl there who’s a friend of a friend and she appeared to be a big fan but because of her height (or lack of it) was unable to see the stage or any of the screens around the stadium. So, I offered her a lift up on my shoulders. Yes, she was cute, enough with the third-degree. Now, I’m not going to speculate on her weight for the whole web to see, but she was petite enough that I shouldn’t have had any trouble. Or so I thought. I seem to have lost a lot more weight and muscle mass over the last few months through illness than I was aware of. So, on the way up I leaned a little too far forward heard a cracking sound in my back, followed by pain.

Lots of pain.

But the important thing is that I got her up there, kept her up there and got her down without dropping her. Okay, so she was only up there for about fifteen seconds, but it was still an achievement on two fronts. First, I went beyond my limits and held it together through sheer force of will. And second, and more importantly, I decided to do something and did it without backing out or rationalizing myself out of it. So, therefore I have no regrets. Just lots of pain. But I’m happy about it, though I can’t laugh about it as yet since it causes more pain and unconsciousness.

Back to my weight. Yes, I believe I’m down to a sleek 180 at the moment, down from 200lbs. So, I am no longer the stocky juggernaut I used to be. I can actually see the beginnings of a six pack. Woohoo! And it also makes shopping for clothes a little easier, though my shoulders are still as gigantic and bulky as ever and if you ever find yourself in a clothing store and see the fitting rooms shaking and rattling violently, it’s not a localized tectonic disturbance. It’s just me thrashing about with something fashionable jammed around my shoulders.

Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day to all you Hallmark-loving, I’ve-got-a-girlfriend/boyfriend/farmyard animal-who-loves-me mofos out there. And for all of you other single folk out there, please join me at noon on Valentine’s Day when I’ll be burning Valentine’s cards and other Valentine-themed merchandise out in the back yard.

Damn, I could use a back-rub right about now, but I must be strong.



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